PRESIDENT COME HITHER FLINTON TO TESTIFY UNDER OATH ABOUT TRUSTED PET
By Alice In-Blunderland
Printed her with permission.uhuh
President Come Hither Flinton will testify under oath concerning allegations his beloved, and trustworthy, pet Rocks, an all-male canine, excreted all over the street leading directly into the White House's internal corridors. The alleged incident is a felony, or misdemeanor, according to DC law which could elicit impeachment proceedings against the first dog's owner. Last January, the news of the first pet's alleged misdeed was on page 55 of most newspapers. That same day, a night-long effort was made to rename the snow-packed street Lincoln Bedroom Way. Gay activists supported the renaming with an all-night rally along the sidewalks. The street had been roped off by Park Police as they were allegedly gathering evidence since very early that morning, when the alleged incident is alleged to have occurred. President Flinton usually walks Rocks in the hours sometime preceding the dawn of light. Rally spokespersons who wish to remain unidentified to this day demanded equal access for equal pay to the bedrooms of the first family in exchange for their collective support of the new name for the street. Less than eight hours from the beginning of the petition drive, enough signatures had been collected from visitors to Lincoln Bedroom and the gay activists to ensure the acceptance of the new name for the street.
The American public was polled last January. 110 percent of those polled responded the name change was needed. The same percentage also supported the Park Police.
Allegations about the first dog didn't surface prominently on the first page of most newspapers until two days after the alleged incident is said to have occurred. Reports from days' later indicated that the street, renamed Lincoln Bedroom Way, had not been swept clear of the heavy mother of all snow for weeks. Many tracks led from the street directly into the foyer of the West Wing of the White House. Among the tracks were reportedly dog tracks containing caked doo-doo from an as yet revealed as identified dog.
The American public had never been polled about the taxation increase for the snowed-in street cleaning. Opponents of President Flinton portray the lack of polling as evidence that President Flinton didn't want to make up his mind about the issue until all of the snow melted. The allegations concerning President Flinton's pet, Rocks, are provocative.
The day after the gay rally, reports indicated that the first pet's excrement had been preserved in the frozen snow. People lined up along Lincoln Bedroom Way in the deep snow for miles to pass and see for themselves. Pollsters reportedly were no where to be seen that day of the next day after the alleged incident concerning President Flinton's dog, Rocks, was reported.
All of that has changed over the course of several months. While no one who walked along the trail of alleged frozen Rocks' doo-doo was polled, the American public who stayed indoors that day of the next day has been. The doggie-goop was subsequently removed, and so the queue of people peering at the dark plops in the snow diminished during daylight hours. There are no reports indicating how many people lined up the night after the night of the alleged Rocks' incident and after the renaming of the street to Lincoln Bedroom Way.
Poll results during the intervening months have indicated that the American public who stayed indoors that day after the Rocks' fluke believes that the preserved doggie-dung should be permitted to be entered into the trial of President Flinton.
Most respondents respond similarly along the lines that President Flinton should use every trick in the book to prove that Rocks wouldn't do that just anywhere. After all, he is the first dog, many respondents say in the same way as all of the other respondents.
Speculation is that a dog trainer has been enlisted by a key White House lawyer.
President Flinton will arrive around noon at the courthouse lavishly redesigned with monies reportedly obtained from donations by gay activists who have utilized the Lincoln Bedroom since the renaming of the street to Lincoln Bedroom Way.
Reportedly, Rocks will accompany the President and provide his all-male testimony willingly as he has reportedly been well-trained all along not to do the sort of thing he is accused of doing because, after all, he is Rocks, the first dog.
More speculation centers around reports that the sample preserved excrement alleged to be Rocks is easily identifiable and in fact may have been diseased before allegedly being let loose in the middle of the now famous, but nonetheless, still non-public, street. A noted Washington, DC canine health expert has reportedly been asked to testify about a possible match between the alleged Rocks' and Rocks' real doo-doo collected over the past several months as substantial evidence that Rocks was diseased shortly before the alleged incident on the street whose previous name no one in all of America remembers.
The testimony could alter the course of history, and is considered the most secret non-leakable evidence of its kind in all of American history. Some political pundits have played up this aspect of the story: if there was anything to leak about Rocks, the leaking first dog, it would have already been leaked. Obviously, according to President Flinton's supporters and objects of a first investigation, there is nothing to leak because nothing has been leaked from the first dog.
Others and sometimes the same key watchers of the unfolding events note that if it can be proven that Rocks was diseased before going where no other dogs dare to go to do their business, in the middle of a non-public blocked-access street, now called Lincoln Bedroom Way, then it will be hard for President Flinton to deny the obvious.
Please take our on-line poll concerning Rocks, the first dog.
Question: Rocks is a buff dog and doesn't deserve this kind of treatment. Yes. Yes.
Question: President Come Hither Flinton has trained his dog well, without the aid of a dog trainer. Yes. Yes.
Question: Rocks, poor, diseased Rocks - we love you anyway. Yes. Yes.
Alice In-Blunderland
http://members.tripod.com/~obmas/UNIONTOWN14.htm
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