You know you've had too much coffee when ...

You've had

too much coffee when ...

For the coffee'ites. Read at halftime. You've Had Too Much Coffee When...

Your birthday is a national holiday in Brazil.
You named your cats "Cream" and "Sugar".
You ski uphill.
You speed walk in your sleep.
You answer the door before people knock.
Juan Valdez has named his donkey after you.
You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse.
You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
You sleep with your eyes open.
You have to watch videos in fast-forward.
You help your dog chase its tail.
Your Thermos is on wheels.
You lick your coffeepot clean.
You don't tan; you roast.
You don't get mad; you get steamed.
You can outlast the Energizer bunny.
You short out motion detectors.
You have a conniption over spilled milk.
You soak your dentures in coffee overnight.
You get drunk just so you can sober up.
Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
You chew on other people's fingernails.
Cocaine is a downer.
All your kids are named "Joe"
You buy 1/2 and 1/2 by the barrel.
You can jump-start your car without cables.
You've worn out the handle on your favorite mug.
You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.
You don't need a hammer to pound in nails.
You don't sweat; you percolate.
Charles Manson thinks you need to calm down.
Instant coffee takes too long.
People get dizzy just watching you.
Sixty-three more, I'll have a cup."
The Taster's Choice couple wants to adopt you.
You're so wired, you pick up AM radio.
People can test their batteries in your ears.
Your life's goal is to amount to a hill of beans.
You channel surf faster without a remote.
You think being called a "drip" is a compliment.
You can't even remember your second cup.

The Nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.
You introduce your spouse as your "Coffee Mate"
Your first-aid kit contains 2-pints of coffee with an I-V hookup.
You've worn out the handle on your favorite mug.
You don't even wait for the water to boil anymore.
You spend your vacations visiting "Maxwell House"
You're the employee of the month at the local coffeehouse and you don't even work there.
You get a speeding ticket even when you're parked.
You can type sixty words per minute with your feet.
You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them.
Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale.
Your coffee mug is insured by Lloyds of London.
You think CPR stands for "Coffee Provides Resuscitation.
When someone asks, "How are you?", you say, "Good to the last drop."
You want to be cremated just so you can spend eternity in a coffee can.
Your taste buds are so numb you could drink your lava lamp.
When you find a penny, you say, "Find a penny, pick it up."
You've built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.
Int'l House of Coffee owns the mortgage on your house.
You're so jittery that people use your hands to blend their margaritas.
You have a bumper sticker that reads: Coffee drinkers are good in the sack.
You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the timer.
You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.
You'd be willing to spend time in a Turkish prison.
You go to sleep just so you can wake up and smell the coffee.
The only time you're standing still is during an earthquake.
You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it's not plugged in.
Your only source of nutrition comes from "Sweet & Low"
You're offended when people use the word "brew" to mean beer.
You've worn out your third pair of tennis shoes this week.
Your 3 favorite things in life are: coffee before, coffee during and coffee after.
Your lips are permanently stuck in the sipping position.
You just completed another sweater and you don't know how to knit.You speak perfect Arabic without ever taking a lesson.

[Author unknown]

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